Many know Matt Willis as the teenage heart-throb bassist and vocalist from pop-punk band Busted, but his life hasn’t always been glamorous.
The musician and actor alongside his broadcaster wife Emma Willis opened up in a recent BBC documentary about his long-term struggle with addiction.
This man who has toured the world and played in sell-out arenas shows us that no matter who you are and what your status, addiction can happen to anyone.
Although Matt had been clean for five years at the time of filming and is now a father of three, his fight with addiction goes on.
Like Matt, you may be wondering ‘why did I become addicted, and will I ever be fixed?’
Matt describes how he first began experimenting with drugs and alcohol at a young age with friends, but it wasn’t until he was on tour with Busted for the first time that he fell deep into alcohol addiction.
He feels this pop-star party lifestyle played a part, and in some way led to his dependence – ‘there’s something about band life that derails you a bit’.
While this lifestyle is rare, it was simply an environment where drugs and alcohol were used often by people around him, and where their use was normalised.
This is a common theme in society – with people who are exposed to drugs and alcohol as children or adolescents more likely to experience addiction later in life.[1]
Matt poses a good question: ‘I always wondered why I struggled to stay clean – is there something different about my wiring?’
Imperial College London are researching areas of the brain linked to addiction.
Dr. Louise Patterson explains that the ‘reward centre’ is an area of the brain associated with pleasure.
Her research found that the brains of people who have a dependence on drugs or alcohol demonstrated a lower response in their reward centre.
This is because drugs of abuse hijack these areas of the brain.
However, the team theorised that these particular brains may have had an unresponsive reward system even before the addiction began.
If this is the case, people could be drawn to substances to try to receive the same pleasure as a person with a fully functioning reward centre.
If this area of the brain could be activated with medication to restore the response, we could see new developments in treatments for relapse prevention on the horizon.
Matt’s childhood brings back painful memories that he often struggles to recall. He talks about his parents’ separation, and volatile relationship with his violent stepdad.
In a large-scale study of 17,000 people who experienced adverse childhood experiences, people with five or more ACEs were 7-10 times more likely to have addictions.[2]
ACEs are events that happen in our early life which have the potential to cause us emotional or physical harm.
These include:
ACEs can have a big impact on our sense of self and safety, and shape how we see ourselves and the world, even into adulthood.
Matt explains how he has self-loathing thoughts that can cause him to spiral. These include feeling like he’s a loser, a fraud and that he doesn’t deserve to be here.
He describes how exhausting it is to deal with this mental battle.
People often enter addiction as a solution to a way that they’re feeling, and at the root of that is pain.
Until this is fully addressed, the root cause of addiction can persist.
Matt went into rehab for the first time within three months of meeting Emma. He explains ‘I couldn’t get to twelve o’clock without drinking or using’.
Matt describes that even being five years clean, he still feels a void in his life ‘like a hole’ that can never be filled.
This is a common theme in addiction – a feeling of emptiness that people try to cover up with drink, drugs or other behaviours.[4]
Over the following two decades of his first relapse stay, Matt relapsed repeatedly, and re-entered rehab four times.
His last relapse was when his youngest child was just ten months old.
‘I am terrified of relapse. If I do that again, everything will end’ he says about his marriage and family.
Addiction is what’s known as a ‘chronic relapsing disorder’. It’s one of the characteristics that defines the illness.
40-60% of people with substance use disorders will experience a relapse.[5]
It’s important to remember though that relapse doesn’t mean your treatment failed.
Addiction is a treatable disorder, which when managed, can result in lifelong sobriety.
Relapse is more likely to happen if you stop following your treatment plan.[6]
Addiction rehabilitation is not a cure, but with proper treatment, you can counteract addiction’s effects and live a normal life.
Matt explains ‘I am destined to be this forever’. ‘I don’t drink. I don’t take drugs today. But I’m not recovered.’
He speaks of his past self ‘I think of that as a very different person but it’s always in me. I’m only one drink away.’
Matt describes how he thought he could take cocaine casually after getting sober, as alcohol was always his vice when he was in addiction.
However, within a month he was suffering from a battle with drugs instead.
Relapse caused him a lot of shame – of using, letting people down and not being able to stop.
The shame of relapse can also lead to more using, as a way of easing the uncomfortable emotions.
Research shows us that shame and guilt are actually barriers to quitting[7], so it’s important to break this shame cycle in order to recover.
Matt says ‘I think the conversation about addiction is so focused sometimes on the addict. And I think the effect that it can have on the people that love you is so huge’.
His wife Emma speaks of Matt’s manipulation while he was in addiction when she would try to address the problem – ‘you were so good at making me think that what I was saying was wrong’.
She describes how their relationship and family would have deteriorated if Matt didn’t go to rehab. ‘It would’ve broken us if you didn’t’.
Emma looks back in hindsight feeling she should have left the relationship, but felt she couldn’t because of their family and her love for her husband.
Even now that he’s sober, she explains ‘living with somebody with addiction is unpredictable and anxiety-inducing.’
She shares through tears that ‘sometimes I feel like I’ve got four kids instead of three’.
The couple addressed how Matt’s addiction had made her feel at the time, and how she still worries now.
‘Recently, me and Emma have been much more open, and it’s clearer that it’s not just me going through it’.
It can help to talk honestly about how you feel, so that both parties feel heard, and the person in addiction can digest the consequences of their behaviour.
Matt says ‘the effect addiction has on families is huge’.
‘It’s always been my family that have pulled me out of my relapses.’
At a support group, Matt and Emma listened to the stories of two young women who grew up with a parent in addiction, and the negative effects this had on their wellbeing.
Research shows that between one-two thirds of child maltreatment cases involve some degree of substance use.[8]
Secretiveness is a key element of addiction[9], and many become a mastermind at gaslighting in order to hide the truth.
Matt talks about how he hid his addiction and relapse with lies about where he was and what he was doing – ‘I’m so good at pretending I’m okay’.
One young girl at a support meeting Matt and Emma met described ‘the worst thing about having a parent with an addiction is the lies.’
Matt speaks to another inmate at rehab who describes feeling guilt and embarrassment towards her children as they witnessed her struggling to be a parent.
As Matt explains, ‘there is no one size fits all for everybody’ – each person will need to take a unique recovery path that suits them.
You may feel scared of confronting your past, and struggle to be honest, but it’s important you’re authentic in order to fully heal.
Many people avoid talking about painful experiences, but they can crop up in unexpected ways.
To truly feel better about the events of your past, you need to process the emotions.
Dr. Jo Stubbly, consultant psychiatrist and psychoanalyst at an NHS trauma clinic explains that memory blocks and feeling ‘numb’ can be a survival response to not feeling safe.
People who experienced trauma as children are particularly susceptible to this, because they’re often helpless to change the situation in the moment.
It’s important to remember that events in your life that were painful for you were not your fault.
Matt explains that despite not being honest in therapy in the past, he knows now that to truly heal from addiction, he needs to address the wounds of his past.
With future therapy, he hopes he can gain more control over his battle with addiction, and maintain lifelong sobriety.
A leading charity called Scottish Families is dedicated to helping the families of people living with addiction, including younger members aged 12-16.
It can be daunting for people to go to these groups, as it’s an unfamiliar situation.
Emma describes en route to the meeting ‘I’m really nervous about it […] it’s the unknown. […] I’ve never been in a group therapy setting.’
In hindsight, she feels perhaps she should have spoken to others going through the same thing.
‘I didn’t know groups like this existed’, Emma explains. ‘When I hear you guys speak, I can absolutely relate’.
Engaging with others can help you to feel supported, which can greatly ease the emotional impact.
‘If you talk about it, you’re not alone’, one young person describes.
These groups also give the person living with addiction insight into what their loved ones are going through.
Hearing children of people in addiction speak can be a gruelling reminder to stay on the right path.
The AA is a fellowship for the recovery of people with alcohol use disorder.
It follows the twelve-step programme and promotes abstinence through group meetings.
Tel: 0800 9177 650
Email: help@aamail.org
Website: https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/
NA is similar to AA, but specifically for drugs. They offer face-to-face and online meetings across the UK to help you achieve sobriety.
Tel: 0300 999 1212
Email pi@ukna.org
Website: https://ukna.org/
Matt describes that when he entered rehab for the first time ‘something clicked for me’.
Inpatient and outpatient rehabs can help you work through detox, learn coping mechanisms and arrange aftercare to support you through recovery.
You’ll receive:
Recovery also happens in your day-to-day life, your personal relationships and your relationship with yourself.
Matt’s rehab manager notes that his willingness to change put him in a good position to accept help and begin to recover.
Once you’ve let go of denial and fully admitted that you need help, sobriety will be within reach.
An inpatient at rehab after a relapse describes in the documentary ‘all I can do is what I didn’t do last time – and that’s reach out.’
Addiction is often a secretive and solitary experience, so it can be daunting to share these shameful and hidden parts of yourself.
She explains ‘It feels uncomfortable’, however you can’t heal on your own, so try to accept help.
If you had a tumultuous childhood, talking to family members who have been through the same experiences can help.
Matt describes how he never spoke about childhood events with his brother, but when they eventually had a conversation, he felt better and wished he’d done it long ago.
Matt describes how he begins every day by writing a gratitude list to remind him why ne needs to stay sober.
This can be as simple as your plants thriving, or your kids coming home from camp.
Matt also finds it useful to write three key affirmation phrases:
He explains ‘I have a real tendency to think I’m not [enough], and that can spiral out of control’.
Building your self-esteem in this way can prevent relapse, because it keeps your mind strong and fills the ‘emptiness’ that self-loathing creates.
Everyone has a different root cause for their addiction, so your relapse triggers will be unique.
For Matt, being on tour was an environment that led to his most recent relapse.
It could be that going back to the place where it all began stirred up the same emotions.
It’s an environment where drink and drugs come easy. He describes how someone in his dressing room offered him a line of coke, and he took it.
This led to a long period of relapse and secrecy, but he eventually managed to get sober.
This is a familiar story for many in addiction, and it’s important to know that a slip can be overcome.
If this honest documentary on addiction has left you with unanswered questions about your own experiences with drugs or alcohol, we can help.
At Rehab 4 Addiction, we offer no-obligation advice and referrals to top rehabs across the UK.
Reach out to our 24/7, free hotline on 0800 140 4690.
[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3664402/
[4] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-43110-001
[5] https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery
[6] https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery
[7] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8932605/
[8] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3725219/
[9] https://www.ihs.gov/asap/familyfriends/warningsignsdrug/
[10] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3664402/
[13] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-43110-001
[14] https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery
[15] https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery
[16] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8932605/
[17] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3725219/
[18] https://www.ihs.gov/asap/familyfriends/warningsignsdrug/
Boris is our editor-in-chief at Rehab 4 Addiction. Boris is an addiction expert with more than 20 years in the field. His expertise covers a broad of topics relating to addiction, rehab and recovery. Boris is an addiction therapist and assists in the alcohol detox and rehab process. Boris has been featured on a variety of websites, including the BBC, Verywell Mind and Healthline. You can connect with Boris online at LinkedIn or X.com.
