Rehab romances are generally ill-advised. Most rehabs recommend waiting at least one year before getting into a new relationship.
Stay with us to find out why relationships often form in rehab, why it’s not usually recommended, and how you can prioritise personal recovery without disregarding romantic relationships entirely.
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These days, most people meet their partners through work, friends, dating apps, and hobbies…but what about rehab?
It’s not uncommon for romantic relationships to form during addiction treatment, and here’s why.
Rehab residents are not only sharing the vulnerable experience of inpatient recovery, but they’re also sharing their history, traumas, and weaknesses.
Whether it’s actively encouraged during group therapy, or it arises when patients spend their free time together, people in rehab are bound to open up to one another.
Discussing deeply personal experiences can create emotional bonds in rehab very quickly, which can become the foundation for a rehab romance.
When someone goes to rehab, they have no contact with the outside world, except from possible family visits.
This isolation can cause them to prioritise their relationships in rehab. Whilst this doesn’t always result in love, if attraction is there, it often happens.
Recovering from addiction is emotionally and physically taxing. Patients have to tackle withdrawal symptoms during and after the detox, psychological changes, and the general intensity of a rehab programme.
Being in such an emotionally intense setting can result in people trusting each other more easily, and relying on each other to get through the tough times. Many relationships in addiction recovery are born out of the emotional environment.
Rehab romances, or addiction recovery relationships, are romantic or sexual relationships that form between people receiving addiction treatment.
Usually, this is when two people start a relationship during rehab, which may last in the outside world. It can also refer to relationships that form shortly after addiction treatment.
Dating in addiction recovery is generally discouraged by treatment providers. Recovery takes a great deal of effort and prioritisation, and rehab romances often get in the way of this.
Below, we discuss reasons why rehab programmes actively discourage romantic relationships between their clients:
Most rehab programmes involve 28 days of intensive treatment, including detoxification and therapies, which is followed by aftercare.
Patients who are developing new relationships may be unable to put their heart and soul into recovery, and this can result in a higher risk of relapse.
There’s also a key focus on personal healing during addiction treatment. If someone is distracted by a new romantic interest, they may be less inclined to focus on their individual journey, which can become problematic for their long-term sobriety.
Dependency is one of the most common issues that occurs during recovery, whether it’s within families, friendship groups, or romantic relationships.
Meeting someone in rehab comes with a high risk of dependency. Instead of learning how to handle your triggers independently, you may rely on your new partner to guide you through difficulties.
Whilst support from a partner is healthy, if it becomes dependency, there’s a risk that the rehab patient won’t have gathered the skills they need to stay sober long-term.
No one feels like their true self during rehab. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that impacts people’s feelings and behaviours. This isn’t the healthiest place to be in when you get into a new relationship.
Aside from adding extra conflict (if one or both partners are dealing with mood swings, for example), the emotional instability also means people may make unwise decisions while they’re in rehab. Further into recovery, they may feel more emotionally ready to find a suitable partner.
Rehab is a community. It’s not designed for couples. That’s not to say couples can’t successfully complete treatment, but the main goal is for each individual to be uniquely valued, supported, and encouraged in their recovery.
When relationships form during rehab, it can affect the group dynamic, and take a focus off the individuals. There’s also a chance conflict will form, such as a breakup, which has a knock-on effect on the mood and cohesiveness of the group.
The first thing to note is that rehab always comes with a relapse risk, regardless of any romance. It’s not something that can be avoided; it simply has to be reduced.
However, developing relationships in addiction recovery can certainly increase the risk of relapse. We’ve already discussed how distraction and breakups can interfere with recovery, but how about:
Couples can encourage one another to stay sober, but they can also be bad influences.
If one member of the couple relapses, it could increase the chances of the other person relapsing. If one individual decides recovery is pointless, the other could take inspiration from this. And so on.
Some newly-formed couples decide to leave treatment together before their programme has finished. They may be clouded by their feelings for their new partner, genuinely believing they’re in a good enough place to leave rehab, or they may simply have found a new priority.
Either way, leaving treatment early is one of the most common reasons for relapse. It causes patients to miss out on crucial tools for recovery, and lowers their support.
Early sobriety relationships are generally not the most stable, given the challenging circumstances both members of the couple are dealing with.
The year that follows rehab is a particularly vulnerable time in general, so when a new relationship is involved, it can significantly increase the risk of relapse.
Because of the dangers of rehab romances, it’s recommended to avoid new romantic relationships for the first year of recovery.
You may hear this referred to as the “first year sobriety rule”, but it isn’t a hard-and-fast rule. It’s simply a common suggestion made by lots of UK recovery programmes.
After this point, though relationships can still of course come with risks, the person in recovery has surpassed the most vulnerable part of their journey. It’s more likely that they will be able to:
Although it’s recommended to avoid romantic relationships entirely for the first year of sobriety, certain relationships are healthier than others.
Factors that would lower the risk of a recovery relationship include:
What does it look like to focus on personal recovery in rehab?
It’s all about following the programme closely, being honest with professionals, and addressing problems as they arise.
It may seem draining to begin with, but this is what will set you up to handle sobriety with strength and resilience when you leave rehab.
Personal recovery isn’t something you will have to figure out alone. Treatment centres highlight this across all types of treatment, from Motivational Enhancement Therapy to acupuncture.
There will be a focus on skills such as:
Patients who lean into personal recovery often find that they’re able to establish more stable relationships when they’re ready.
The “first year sobriety” suggestion doesn’t apply when someone is already in a relationship as they enter early recovery.
In fact, relationships can be facilitators of recovery (1). The sobriety recommendation wasn’t created to condemn relationships entirely, but to encourage people in recovery to be more careful with the timing of choosing a new partner.
It’s very common for people to be in existing relationships when they enter rehab. Whilst it will be tricky to be separated from your partner during rehab, you will be supported as you deal with this transition.
Some treatment centres allow family visits and/or couples therapy to support yourself and your partner as you start your recovery journey.
After rehab, you can continue to work on your sobriety whilst strengthening your relationship, by:
Rehab romances are risky, but what’s even riskier is not getting treatment whatsoever. If you’ve not yet sought help for your addiction or dependence, it’s never too late.
We work with clients like you to arrange individualised treatments, from long-term private rehab programmes to home detoxification.
To find out more, contact us on 0800 140 4690 (UK) or +44 345 222 3508 (international).
Below, we answer some common questions around this important topic:
The reason rehabs usually suggest staying single for one year is linked to the higher relapse rate in the first year of sobriety. In this sense, it’s backed up by statistics, and therefore it’s a sensible suggestion to take on board.
That being said, there’s no perfect timeframe for relationships, which is why this shouldn’t be treated as a strict rule. The most important tip is to take your time, work on yourself first, and only get into a relationship when you feel more stable in your recovery.
Yes, people in long-term recovery can certainly have healthy relationships. You may worry that your addiction history will put you at a disadvantage, but it doesn’t have to define your relationship.
On the one hand, there will be unique challenges that come with recovering in a relationship. However, you will have also worked on your personal development tirelessly, and this can be a huge benefit for relationships.
[1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27176638/
Boris is our editor-in-chief at Rehab 4 Addiction. Boris is an addiction expert with more than 20 years in the field. His expertise covers a broad of topics relating to addiction, rehab and recovery. Boris is an addiction therapist and assists in the alcohol detox and rehab process. Boris has been featured on a variety of websites, including the BBC, Verywell Mind and Healthline. You can connect with Boris online at LinkedIn or X.com.
