Many people living with addiction reach a point where healthy and normal behaviours are negatively affected.
What is considered “normal” changes when a person has an addiction.
As an example, there might be an instance where an addicted person goes to a restaurant with their family. They might think it’s “normal” to go to the toilet to use cocaine or ketamine.
It might (or might not) cross the person’s mind how much this could upset their family.
Using has become such a habitual behaviour that doing so in a public place is deemed “normal” for the person in the cycle.
Years of substance abuse means a person reaches a point where being intoxicated becomes the “normal” state of mind. This could have other effects. As another example, they might think it’s “safe” to drive under the influence.
These types of behaviours are deeply unhealthy and dangerously unsafe. However, due to their shifted perspective on “normal” this can be difficult for the addicted person to realise.
It can also make their addiction worse and relapse more likely.
When the family above become upset that their family member has used drugs in a public place, the addicted person might then feel bad about letting them down. This can go on to fuel feelings of worthlessness.
When the addicted person feels low, what do they do?
They usually return to their substance of choice.
If you’re addicted to a substance, it’s really beneficial to tune in to your behaviour. You want to be able to clearly identify what you’re doing and what this signifies.
Why is this?
Because recovering from an addiction and its accompanying trauma means that your actions are a priority.
It’s from your actions that you can clarify whether you’re doing OK or not.
The thoughts and feelings you have don’t provide helpful guidance. This is due to how affected they are by the substance, withdrawal, and issues related to trauma.
When most people go about their days they might think, “I feel great today so I must be alright.” However, if you’re addicted to a substance you could be feeling awful.
But here’s the thing, you can be feeling terrible but still be doing the right thing. How does that work?
As an example, if you’re feeling awful but are with friends who don’t encourage you to use substances, then you’re doing good. You’re in a situation that is safe and healthy where you can’t reach for drink or drugs.
Those who care about you will sit by you in those moments when you feel terrible. This is one new safe behaviour that can help support you through an uncomfortable feeling, rather than turning to the substance.
Alternatively, you might feel amazing. Many people in recovery hit moments of over-confidence where they’re doing well, but this can actually lead to relapse. Why?
Because they’re so confident that they’ll go to a pub or to visit an old acquaintance who uses drugs thinking that they can refuse it. This is how many people lapse or relapse.
The unsafe behaviour to look out for in this example is the action of going to a place where you know the substance will be when you have an addiction.
This is a moment where you practise self-compassion.
You reflect on your history, your addiction, your triggers, and you use self-compassion to direct your behaviour.
You say to yourself something like, “I feel great. I haven’t used drugs in two months. I’m proud of this. I really want to see this friend, but I know that they still use the drug I am addicted to. My addiction means that even though I feel great now, being near it and with people I used to use it with means there is a high chance I could relapse.
It’s frustrating that I have an addiction, but I understand that it developed because I had no other way of coping in the past. Now I look after myself and my health better. If I go to see that old friend, I am taking a step back. I deserve to move forward with my life and keep looking after my body and mind.”
Your behaviour is your pilot. Let it direct your next choices.
Read our list of effective relapse prevention strategies here.
Watch your behaviour so you can help yourself identify effectively when you are looking after yourself. This means you’re doing well.
A way to make this easier is through labelling. Behaviours can be labelled as “healthy” or “unhealthy”, or perhaps“safe” or “unsafe”, really any morally neutral term.
It’s important to create a label that isn’t filled with judgement. You wouldn’t, for instance, label behaviours “good” and “bad”.
This is because you’re more likely to beat yourself up and think of yourself as a bad person if you lapse by doing a “bad” thing rather than an “unhealthy” thing.
You aren’t a bad person, so don’t use the word. The vast majority of people, however, have at some point participated in unhealthy behaviours.
This label is easier to navigate emotionally.
There are various things you do that support your recovery. This is easier to see once you attach a label to it.
Examples:
When you start doing this for every behaviour, from getting out of bed to eating, to where you go, to who you spend time with, it becomes a powerful tool. This tool allows you to easily see when your recovery and healing is going well.
Remember, it’s really unhelpful to compare yourself to others. Behaviours that are safe for other people might not be safe for you.
Entering recovery means giving up substances. When people do this they face the following:
Recovery is an extremely challenging time.
This is heightened when the person’s main coping strategy for years has been using the substance. During this time many people will not have developed healthy coping mechanisms.
With so many challenges to face, entering the recovery phase of this very complex disease means that getting professional help and participating in support groups makes all the difference.
Aside from this, there are many things you can do to help yourself avoid unhealthy behaviours.
One strategy is to separate your feelings from your behaviours.
It’s notoriously easy for an addicted person to feel despair or rage and to turn to drugs and alcohol. These feelings are natural.
Every single person has them. Whilst feelings are exaggerated for the person struggling with addiction or trauma, they are not unusual, nor do they have to lead to unhealthy behaviours.
Whilst distressing feelings may arise, they will always pass.
The more you experience these emotions without turning to drugs and alcohol, the easier they become to face. With a solid recovery plan in place and healthy behaviours to turn to when these feelings arise, the feelings become less intense.
When intense emotions arise and you think of different actions you might take, ask yourself “Which one is safe?”
As an example of these potential actions:
Quitting a substance often brings feelings of missing out. This can be especially difficult when it’s been used to ease uncomfortable feelings, as a “friend” and something to rely on.
It’s important to remember that the things you gain from quitting the substance far outweigh what you cut out.
You might think it’s going to be impossible to face difficult feelings when you can’t use drugs or alcohol. However, the recovery journey offers you many new things when you fully commit to it:
Recovery can be difficult, yes, but it’s also uplifting, relieving, energetic, and redemptive.
There are a few things you can do to help yourself regain control of addictive habits.
Firstly, make a list of unhealthy behaviours. You might be actively involved with some of these now or they could be things you do occasionally.
Choose one of the unhealthy behaviours on your list to focus on. Make it one that negatively impacts your life.
Secondly, next to the unhealthy behaviour you have chosen, write down how much or how often you engage with the behaviour. It could be, “I drink a bottle of wine every night”.
It’s really important to think back over the last few weeks. Many people drink more or take more drugs than they realise. Be honest about this. It helps going forward.
Thirdly, choose your ideal goal. What is it you really want to achieve?
Be really clear. So for the example just given, it might be, “I want to reduce from seven bottles of wine a week to one”.
Be realistic here. Some people might opt for abstinence, others might want to adapt their addictive habits so that they’re safer.
Identify a list of activities that you can take part in that you enjoy, that are helpful, and that keep your mind off the substance. The more you engage with these activities, the easier it becomes to reduce substance use.
What safe activities are there?
Figure out how long you currently spend doing unhealthy and healthy activities. Keep track of this going forward.
The more time you put into healthy activities, the easier it will be to reduce unhealthy behaviours.
The bonus of keeping a diary of behaviours is motivation. The more you see yourself doing well, the easier it becomes to keep doing so going forward.
It might seem like a lot of work, but the distraction from unhealthy addictive habits really supports your healing process.
Recovery means increasing the number of safe behaviours you exhibit and reducing the unsafe ones.
The more you build healthy actions into your life, the easier it is to manage cravings, uncomfortable feelings and the difficulties of life in the future.
Although you might want to do this alone or have tried some of these activities already, it can be really difficult.
It becomes easier, however, with the right psychological, physical and emotional support.
Getting in touch with rehabilitation services will bring you into contact with people and activities that can support you in rebuilding your life with safe behaviours.
To discover what support is available in your area, call Rehab 4 Addiction now.
Boris is our editor-in-chief at Rehab 4 Addiction. Boris is an addiction expert with more than 20 years in the field. His expertise covers a broad of topics relating to addiction, rehab and recovery. Boris is an addiction therapist and assists in the alcohol detox and rehab process. Boris has been featured on a variety of websites, including the BBC, Verywell Mind and Healthline. You can connect with Boris online at LinkedIn or X.com.
