Offering support to a family member recovering from addiction can be extremely daunting and overwhelming. Not only are you likely not an addiction professional, but you are also unable to comprehend the physical and psychological symptoms which your loved one is experiencing.
So, how does someone support their recovering family member if they are utterly bewildered with the entire subject of addiction?
There are many ways to offer support to a friend or family member recovering from addiction, regardless of your prerequisite knowledge surrounding substance addiction or substance use disorder.
Addiction is officially recognised as a disease of chronic brain relapsing [1]. The word ‘chronic’ means that addiction is not curable, however, it is certainly treatable.
The reason it is not curable in this case is that when someone is suffering from an addiction, the pathways in their brains have been altered drastically, and their body and brain will always respond severely to the consumption of intoxicating substances.
According to the brain disease model of addiction, there are severe chemical alterations in the brain when someone is addicted to drugs or alcohol.
The reward pathways, responsible for stimulating pleasure and other positive emotions, are altered in a way which makes the person physically and or psychologically dependent on the addictive substance.
The symptoms of addiction come in a wide range of forms. Your loved one may be suffering from physical symptoms or psychological symptoms, or both.
When they are undergoing a period of abstinence, they may experience physical withdrawal symptoms such as:
If they are suffering from psychological withdrawal symptoms, you may witness them experience symptoms such as:
There are a number of ways in which you can support your family member who is recovering from addiction.
Many of these will vary in the details when taking into consideration not only your unique personality but your recovering loved one’s personality and unique circumstances.
Here are the 10 ways you can support your family member who is recovering from addiction:
One of the easiest and most simple ways you can increase the level that you can provide your recovering loved one is to educate yourself about substance addiction.
It is a highly complex subject, however, it is worth educating yourself about the basics to understand what your loved one is going through, what the common procedure is, and how they can sustain their sobriety.
Unfortunately, you will never truly be able to understand or comprehend what your recovering loved one is going through.
Even if you were to suffer from a form of substance addiction yourself, each case of addiction is unique and vastly different to the next person’s.
There are plenty of resources online [2] available for family members or friends to learn about the complexities of addiction.
While there are many studies used to support theories and neuroscientific models, there are very basic explanations of what addiction is online.
Although you are deeply concerned for your loved one, it is important that you do not simply dismiss what your recovering family member has to say, regardless of how you view the information.
It is important that you at least offer them your patience and at least try to understand what they are communicating.
If they are reluctant to seek help from a licensed therapist or undergo treatment at a drug and alcohol rehab, do not simply overrule their refusal, try to understand what it is which makes them so sceptical about the process.
Undergoing treatment can be daunting, and it is important that you share your sympathy and understanding with someone who is battling a debilitating disease and is struggling to seek professional help.
Furthermore, if you refuse to listen, it will only drive you further apart. Your loved one may use the logic that if you are unwilling to listen to them, why should they listen to you?
Your loved one is not just “lazy” and unwilling to change, they are battling a chronic brain disease which makes them physiologically dependent on intoxicating substances.
Although now you have listened to their concerns, you have to also follow up by offering them support for it to be effective.
By offering your support, you are letting your loved one know that you have their recovery at the forefront of your priority and that they are not alone in their uphill battle.
Your support could mean a wide variety of things. You can do your part by researching the treatment centres in the area and the addiction treatment procedure, or, like tip number 1, you can educate yourself about addiction to understand more about what your loved one is experiencing.
By even spending the time to try to understand what your loved one is dealing with, you are improving your ability to support them. With each day, you will begin to understand the different ways that they can benefit from your support.
While it is important that you offer your support to your recovering family member, it is paramount that you actually seek support.
This can come from addiction specialists, licensed counsellors, or friends and family members who can help you support your loved one.
Not only does addiction affect the addicted person, but it can also have profoundly adverse indirect effects on their friends and family members.
Witnessing a loved one struggle with their addiction as their physical and mental health continues to deteriorate can be heart-wrenching, and trying to be there to support them can be both physically and mentally demanding.
Family members can contact rehab recovery centres in their local area and seek support.
An addiction rehabilitation facility will take the time to discuss the options you have when it comes to seeking support for your loved one, and they will help guide you through the addiction recovery programme process and also other ways you can help, especially if they are reluctant to seek addiction treatment.
This can be an extension to the previous point because you should always seek the support of a professional interventionist when staging an intervention for your loved one who may have relapsed.
An intervention [3] can be tremendously effective in guiding your loved one into recovery. There is a special emphasis on the word guiding, because an intervention should be non-confrontational, and you should never coerce or force your loved one into recovery.
The only person who can make someone enter recovery is themselves.
During an intervention, friends and family members will take turns in order to share how their loved one’s addiction has impacted their life.
The goal is that by listening to loved ones articulate their feelings and concerns for their condition, the addicted person will be moved and will realise the extent to which their addiction is affecting those around them.
While the success rate of an intervention is very high, the professional interventionist will always prepare and have a protocol for what should happen if the family member rejects the idea of seeking treatment.
Additionally, the professional interventionist will help with a range of other aspects, including:
A popular method of intervention is CRAFT intervention. This stands for ‘Community Reinforcement and Family Training [4]’. What makes CRAFT such a popular intervention method is that it places a special emphasis on the well-being of the family members throughout the recovery process.
CRAFT offers family addiction counselling and it also promotes a healthy and non-confrontational form of intervention. This is vital towards encouraging the loved one to seek treatment and to abstain from drugs and alcohol, rather than aggressively forcing them to undergo addiction treatment.
While you may want to support your recovering family member or loved one thoroughly, there comes a point where you will need to set boundaries.
This is because if you do not, they will become codependent, and this can actually aggravate or enable their drug and alcohol addiction.
Codependency is when you try to help your recovering or addicted loved one, but by offering your support (or too much support), you are allowing them to justify their drug and alcohol consumption habits.
Because they are receiving adequate support, they are able to continue their habits of drinking and consuming drugs without experiencing the full consequences of their actions.
Often, codependency may involve the sober and supportive person sacrificing much of their life in order to support their addicted loved one, who is continuing to perpetuate these negative tendencies and indulge in these addictive substances.
This can lead to not only the deterioration in their life but also the life of the person supporting them. As you begin to burn out due to the physical and mental toll of supporting (and, thus, enabling) your loved one, you may reach a stage where you find yourself unable to continue supporting them.
The idea is that by setting boundaries, you are allowing your loved one to make mistakes and realise when they have made these mistakes. This allows them to understand the consequences and negative effects of their own actions. This method is also practised in the CRAFT intervention approach.
On the other hand, it is important that you celebrate the important achievements and milestones in your loved one’s recovery.
Contingency Management [5] is the process of reinforcing someone’s positive changes by rewarding them. These rewards can come in many different forms and will vary from one person to another.
One person may communicate positivity and use positive reinforcement, whereas another person may use tangible rewards, such as gifts, money, and more, in order to display their satisfaction with their loved one’s progress.
You could celebrate each day, or week, in which they have completed sober, or celebrate each time they complete a therapy session, for example.
It is important that you include positive reinforcement throughout your loved one’s recovery journey.
In order for them to sustain their positive lifestyle habits, it is important for you to let them understand just how great and appreciated these new lifestyle habits are. Positive reinforcement is a simple, yet effective, way to sustain positive actions.
Introducing your loved one to a support group such as Alcoholics Anonymous [6], Narcotics Anonymous [7], or SMART Recovery [8], for example, is a way of introducing them to a new community of abstainers and a new form of support network. Not only are they expanding their support network by attending support groups, but they are also reinforcing it.
In today’s society, drug use and alcohol binge drinking is essentially normalised. It is incredibly difficult for people to quit consuming drugs or drinking alcohol if they are in an environment which encourages it.
It can even become lonely and socially isolating. By introducing your recovering family member to a support network, they will understand that they are not alone in adopting a life of abstinence and that there are many people who seek positive changes around them.
A support session allows people to remain anonymous, and sessions typically consist of introducing oneself (but not their last name) and sharing with the group their experience with addiction and addiction recovery.
Participants will not only have a platform to share their experience, which can facilitate emotional purging and catharsis, but they will also be able to resonate and gain insight into other people’s experiences.
This can broaden their perspective on addiction recovery. Participants come from all walks of life and vary in their beliefs, profession, class status, and so on, however, they each share a common objective – which is to recover from drug and alcohol addiction.
By introducing your family member to a support network, you are opening them up to a new community of people who want to live and encourage a lifestyle of sobriety.
As the saying goes, ‘Practice what you preach’. Maintaining sobriety, especially in their presence, is a form of support. If you are pleading with your recovering family member to be sober, or you are supporting your already sober (but recovering) family member, it is important that you set an example for them.
You should always be sober when you speak to them, and you should not drink in their presence. How can they take your advice to leave a life of drugs and alcohol behind, if you continue to indulge in these intoxicating substances?
Of course, suffering from a chronic brain disease such as addiction is not the same as someone who is able to consume one or two alcoholic beverages.
You do not need to entirely prohibit alcohol from your life, however, you should be extremely mindful not to consume alcohol in front of your recovering loved one.
It is important that you do not forget about yourself in this equation. Of course, you will spend time finding new ways to support your recovering family member, however, their addiction can take a huge toll on your mental health too.
It could even lead to the development of long-term mental health issues such as depression. It is important that you do not burn out and that you take the time to seek assistance and recharge in order to not only maximise your support but also remain healthy.
You may even find it hard to consider what you need during this situation and when your loved one needs you.
But, it is incredibly important that you ask for help, whether in the form of emotional and support counselling from a licensed therapist, or through your friends and family who can not only help your loved one but offer you some respite from the situation.
You could even include other members of the family and undergo family counselling [9].
Here, families can not only gain more understanding of the complexities of addiction, but they can find a new place to express their concerns and receive emotional counselling. By finding new solutions and ways to maintain your mental health, you are also reinforcing your loved one’s support network.
In summary, there are many ways in which you can support your family member or loved one who is recovering from addiction.
In particular, you should take into consideration:
Some will be more effective than others, and this is especially dependent on the recovering person’s unique personality.
However, by even just showing that you care for them and are trying to facilitate their recovery, your recovering loved one will appreciate this sentiment and it can have drastic positive changes in their recovery.
[1] The Brain Disease Model of Addiction – Hazelden Betty Ford https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/research-studies/addiction-research/brain-disease-model
[2] Addiction Treatments – CBT, DBT, 12 Steps – Rehab Recovery https://www.rehab-recovery.co.uk/addiction-treatments/
[3] Addiction Intervention – Rehab Recovery https://www.rehab-recovery.co.uk/addiction-treatments/intervention/
[4] The CRAFT Approach: Encouraging Healthy, Constructive Positive Changes for Your Family https://drugfree.org/article/craft-approach-encouraging-healthy-constructive-positive-changes-family/
[5] Contingency Management: What is is and why psychiatrists should want to use ithttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3083448/
[6] Alcoholics Anonymous http://aa.org
[7] Narcotics Anonymous http://na.org
[8] SMART Recovery http://smartrecovery.org
[9] Family Addiction Counselling – Rehab Recovery https://www.rehab-recovery.co.uk/addiction-treatments/family-therapy/
Boris is our editor-in-chief at Rehab 4 Addiction. Boris is an addiction expert with more than 20 years in the field. His expertise covers a broad of topics relating to addiction, rehab and recovery. Boris is an addiction therapist and assists in the alcohol detox and rehab process. Boris has been featured on a variety of websites, including the BBC, Verywell Mind and Healthline. You can connect with Boris online at LinkedIn or X.com.
