When suffering from addiction, it is hard to not only recover but adjust to a new lifestyle.
Recovering from your addiction and reaching (and maintaining) your sobriety may have meant that you had to cut ties with many people, avoid particular environments in which you used to frequent, adopt new hobbies, change bad habits, and so on.
However, it is difficult to cut ties with those who are close to us, especially if they are our closest friends or family members. It is possible that one of your closest friends or family members is someone who does not abstain from drinking (or even consuming drugs).
Some of these people who drink alcohol or consume drugs may even be your housemates.
If your housemates happen to be your closest friends or family members, it will be easier to communicate to them about your problem and how you want them to be more respectful and mindful of your presence and condition.
However, if they are merely housemates (e.g. in a house share) and not anyone who you are close to, it may be harder to explain to them about your condition, and harder to reinforce any rules concerning their drinking habits.
If your current situation does not allow you to move into a different accommodation which can provide you with a more secure recovery environment, there are many tips that a recovering person can take while living in a house where people drink.
Your health should be your utmost priority, and by employing these tips, you will be taking precautions and minimising relapse triggers and the effects of your housemate’s drinking habits.
It is integral to any person who is recovering or has recovered from their drug or alcohol addiction that they understand what their triggers are.
By understanding which relapse triggers pose more of a threat to you, you can plan accordingly and even create precautions in the event of coming face to face with relapse triggers in your own home.
Firstly, it is important to understand whether you are more susceptible to internal triggers or external triggers. Maybe you are susceptible to both.
Internal triggers are relapse triggers which come from within and are essentially due to your mental health, emotions, and so on.
Examples of internal triggers include:
External relapse triggers are posed by those outside of your control. A housemate who drinks is one form of an external relapse trigger because they are presenting and displaying behaviours which can cause you to relapse.
Other examples include:
Ultimately, it is important that you understand your most potent relapse triggers, and whether they are mostly internal or external, before committing yourself to live with someone who continually drinks.
It is important that you establish a new routine when you are recovering from addiction, regardless of whether you are living with someone who drinks alcohol.
While your old habits may not have been a direct cause of your drug or alcohol addiction, it is important that you adopt healthier and more positive habits to not only improve your health but to signify a new lifestyle of sobriety.
If your lifestyle is not governed by a schedule, you will be susceptible to disorganisation, mismanagement, and these factors can increase the level of stress in your life.
It is paramount that you remember that a routine or schedule is there to help you, not enslave you, and it can offer you stability in an environment which poses many risks to your sobriety.
Should you stick to your old routine and habits, it will be much easier to fall back into a relapse.
This is because your mind will associate your previously unhealthy routine with your condition and your mind and body may even crave drugs or alcohol, due to the connotation which these places carry.
You will need to make tough decisions, such as avoiding people or places in which you used to engage with. Going to bed earlier and waking up earlier is an effective way to establish a new routine and offers a range of mental health benefits.
Exercising can reinforce your discipline as well as improve your physical and mental health.
Establishing a disciplined sleep schedule will help you make positive and healthier choices in the long term.
By going to bed early, and waking up early, you will benefit your circadian rhythm, due to the early movement and exposure to sunlight, which can improve sleep quality.
You can coincide this with actively avoiding the times when your housemate decides to drink. Just as they begin drinking and transitioning into the ‘night out’ phase later in the evening, you can go to sleep and avoid any of their alcohol-fueled activities and behaviour.
The benefits of an 8-hour sleep include an increased level of energy, improved cognitive function, improved mood, and so on. These are each factor which will help you build resilience to whichever relapse triggers your housemate – or anyone or anything else – present.
If your housemate’s drinking-related activities are affecting your sleep, you will have to set boundaries. Although you may feel uncomfortable doing so, it is your house and home environment just as much as it is theirs.
If you communicate openly how their habits are affecting your sleep quality – and thus your mental health – they should understand how their behaviour is affecting those around them.
Regardless of whether or not you have a positive or negative relationship with your housemate, you need to set a precedent when it comes to your living space.
While you are both sharing the living space, it is not fair for them to encroach on your space and lifestyle due to their ignorance.
It may be an awkward discussion to have, however, it is vital to establish a healthy living and recovery environment for you.
Once you talk to your housemate, whether a friend, family member, or not, about the ways in which they can be mindful of your condition, they should reciprocate your honesty by being honest and respectful of your lifestyle.
Although it may be tough, this discussion can set firm boundaries, yet still be polite and respectful.
This does not mean that your housemate needs to become sober and abstain from drinking alcohol entirely.
It could mean a compromise, and that the person will not invite their friends over to host a party fuelled by alcohol which goes on until late at night, or that they will always clean up after themselves after a period of drinking just to remove any external sensory relapse triggers (e.g. the sight or smell of alcohol bottles, cans, and so on).
Establishing boundaries is more effective than letting the housemate affect your home space, and then having an argument about their behaviour.
It is far more effective to be proactive, than reactive. Managing expectations, as a form of precaution, is more effective than potentially arguing about the issue which may lead to an unhealthy relationship and house dynamic.
Along with establishing a sleep schedule, exercising every day can certainly assist you in your quest for long-term sobriety. You can even coincide this with the times in which your housemate decides to consume their alcohol.
However, many people find benefits from exercising early in the morning, or in the evening following their day at work.
Exercising offers invaluable benefits such as an improved cardiovascular system, increased muscle mass, decreased levels of stress, and much more.
Additionally, the more you exercise, the more disciplined you will become. This will make it easier for you to adhere to your new routine.
While some people may argue that you cannot (or should not) exercise every day, exercise can come in a wide range of forms. This can include walking or cycling to work, light or gentle yoga, and so on.
However, if you do find the opportunity to go outside to walk, run, or to go to the gym, you can use this time to minimise time spent inside with your housemate who presents relapse triggers through their drinking habits.
Not only this but being inside all day is detrimental to one’s mental health. Studies show that exposure to sunlight and green spaces leads to a significant increase in one’s mental health.
While you may have a high level of emotional intelligence or you understand your own relapse triggers thoroughly, it is important that you have a form of a support network which you can rely on for support. Ideally, this support network will be outside of your house.
A support network can mean many different things. It can be your family or a group of friends who are incredibly helpful and supportive of your sobriety and recovery.
Or, it can be a support group or fellowship programme such as Alcoholics Anonymous [1], Narcotics Anonymous [2], or SMART Recovery [3].
These support networks often host support sessions which addicted people and people in recovery can attend in order to share their experiences and gain insight into other people’s addiction recovery experiences.
The presence of peers who also strive for the same goal of sobriety can allow you to resonate with them. It also offers you the opportunity to rely on others who understand your condition.
While friends and family members may offer support, it is also important to communicate with those who are undergoing a similar experience.
Since your housemate continues to consume alcohol or drugs, it is important that you have friends – or even acquaintances – who practice sobriety.
Finding people who practise sobriety can negate the effects of social isolation and it can offer positive reinforcement for your own recovery journey.
Although you are highly encouraged to take part in new activities outside of your house, one activity you can do from your own home is to practise mindfulness.
Mindfulness can come in a wide array of forms, such as meditation, yoga, journaling, and more.
Meditation [4] is an effective way for someone to improve their self-awareness and ability to process information and emotions. It can help you deal with situations rationally by becoming more objective and in control of your emotions.
Additionally, practising your breathwork, by taking longer and deeper inhales, can have a profound effect on your mental health. Incorporating breathwork consistently in your routine has been seen to reduce anxiety, improve cognitive function, and more.
Studies show that even after 8 weeks of practising meditation [5] and breathwork, subjects saw a significant increase in grey matter in the brain. Grey matter can help with the process of memorisation, processing of emotions, and much more.
This means that you will be far more equipped to deal with triggers and other issues with more rationality.
Yoga offers a holistic experience [6], benefitting your physical, mental, and spiritual health. When you practise yoga consistently, you will see an improvement in your flexibility, mobility, strength, and also your mental health.
Not only can physical stretching lead to improved mental health, it can release a range of endorphins and dopamine which can greatly improve mental health.
Much like meditation, practising yoga can also improve your breath awareness, which is efficient in reducing levels of stress, particularly in situations which may provoke anxiety.
Much of the mental stress that you are experiencing, whether due to your work, relationships, relapse triggers, your housemate, and so on, can manifest physically.
If you develop psychosomatic symptoms (mental symptoms which become physical), yoga is an effective activity which can counteract both physical and psychological symptoms.
Although a very simple and direct method, the act of writing down your thoughts and things that may worry you at the time is highly effective in facilitating emotional catharsis.
Catharsis means to purge, or release something, and in this case, journaling helps us release an enormous amount of mental and emotional pressure.
Because when we think about things which may worry or anger us, such as relapse triggers or the behaviour of our housemate who drinks, it can weigh on our minds profoundly, especially if we find it difficult to communicate these feelings.
Journaling [7] offers us the opportunity to externalise our worries and feelings, much like a therapy session would. By writing down whatever is bothering us, we are essentially communicating our feelings, however, rather than articulating our feelings vocally, we use a pen to speak for us.
It is also an effective way to keep track of how you are feeling each day, and how you respond to certain relapse triggers. While one day you can write in a stream-of-consciousness flow, the next day you will be able to analyse these feelings with more rationality and objectivity.
You will be able to process this information and develop healthier coping mechanisms based on what you wrote down.
While you may be worried, angry, or preoccupied with wondering what your housemate may be doing, or how their behaviour will affect your sobriety, it is important that you redirect your focus on your own lifestyle and the changes which you are manifesting.
This is not to say that you should ignore everything that whoever you are living with is doing. However, rather than focusing on them and being consumed by what they are doing, it is important that you focus on yourself.
Change must come from within, and in order to sustain your newfound lifestyle of healthy sobriety, it is important that you control what you can, and do not become distracted by the things which you cannot control.
There are many ways in which you can navigate living with someone who has moderate to excessive drinking habits.
Whether it is a close friend, family member, or someone who you merely consider to be an acquaintance, it is important that you communicate what you expect from them.
While you certainly don’t need to ask them to transform their lifestyle to accommodate yours, you should express your concern whenever their habits begin to encroach on your lifestyle and personal space.
Another important point is that you should adopt a holistic mindset. Rather than only addressing one problem, which may be exhibited by your housemate, you should adopt a range of healthy habits which not only improve your mental, physical, and spiritual health but signify a new time of sobriety.
With improved general health, you will be far more equipped to deal with and resist relapse triggers in whichever form.
[1] Alcoholics Anonymous http://aa.org
[2] Narcotics Anonymous http://na.org
[3] SMART Recovery http://smartrecovery.org
[4] Mindfulness Exercises – Mayo Clinic https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356
[5] Meditation Changes Brain in 8 Weeks https://hr.williams.edu/files/2015/04/Meditation-Changes-Brain-in-8-Weeks.pdf
[6] Alternative & Holistic Therapy for Addiction – Rehab Recovery https://www.rehab-recovery.co.uk/addiction-treatments/alternative-holistic/
[7] Journaling for Mental Health – Health Encyclopedia https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1
Boris is our editor-in-chief at Rehab 4 Addiction. Boris is an addiction expert with more than 20 years in the field. His expertise covers a broad of topics relating to addiction, rehab and recovery. Boris is an addiction therapist and assists in the alcohol detox and rehab process. Boris has been featured on a variety of websites, including the BBC, Verywell Mind and Healthline. You can connect with Boris online at LinkedIn or X.com.
